Everyone agrees. Lola Elia was fiesty. The most outspoken of the 9 Pakingan siblings, she challenged authority, walked out of her 2nd grade class and never went back. A single mother since 1965, she raised 11 children, cooked feasts for a growing brood of grandkids, and smoked cigarettes the majority of her life.
All of this I discovered or just realized the past few days, being here in Houston with my 2nd cousins and aunties and uncles. I truly wish I had known her. I think we would have gotten along well. Maybe I would have seen the roots of my fighting spirit. Maybe I would have heard more stories about my grandmother, her sister, and I would have understood my grandmother sooner rather than holding on to the past I thought was unfair.
At the funeral service today, my 2nd cousin, Kuya Rommel, spoke and through tears thanked his uncle, Tito Victor for his work and sacrifice. Without him, their whole family wouldn’t be in the US. Shortly after he turned 18, he signed up for the US Navy then the Coast Guard. Then the rest, as they say is history.
My own family has a similar history, as many Filipino families. My dad’s brother was sponsored a work visa, then he petitioned my grandmother who then petitioned my dad and aunt. And the rest, as they say is history. But if fate worked out any differently, if my Lola decided not to join my uncle, if my dad got a job in Houston instead of moving to Maryland, everything would be different. I wouldn’t be the same Jenny typing this post away on her phone. This is the greatest plot twist in the lives of my generation. Our lives as we know it is dependent on this event. I’ve known this but am so forcefully reminded of it right now.
Below is a picture of 8 of the 9 Pakingan siblings (one died long before this pic). My Lola is seated in the middle with Lola Elia to her right. This picture was taken at my parents’ wedding in 1987.
So it’s been a minute since I logged in and wrote a blog post. Sorry, folks! Lots on my mind and plate and too much to write about in such a public sphere. But I will say that behind the scenes I have been working on my themes for 2012. [applause and exclamations here] “Show up” is one of them and can be applied to numerous aspects of my life. For example, the professional job search; I can’t just wish for a new job to land on my lap, I have to show up and actually write cover letters and network. It’s also about giving myself the opportunity to change my own life. I’ve cried about the lack of performances in the past year; I’ve placed my own art and performance on the back burner while I manage Sulu DC. But no more! I have several gigs lined up this month including one in Colorado thanks to @MsTSTanny. Check them out below:
Saturday, March 10, 12-3 pm
Yoga Stops Traffic
Bloombars (3222 11 St NW – metro: Columbia Heights)
Suggested donation: $10
A worldwide yoga event which raises awareness about human trafficking. Last year YST brought together 3,000 people in 38 countries, 95 yoga studios, parks, homes, beaches and mountaintops around the world. Following YST will be a reception with performers who have previously supported Odanadi through their art. http://www.yogastopstraffick.org/wp/. Odanadi is a grassroots organisation based in Mysore, India, which works to combat human trafficking, sexual exploitation, slavery, domestic abuse and destitution.To find out more about what we do, visit their website: www.odanadi-uk.org
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Wednesday, March 28
Colorado State University
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Saturday, March 31, 1-2:30 pm
DC SWAN (Support Women Artists Now) Day
Grace Church (1041 Wisconsin Ave., NW)
FREE events
This all-day event presented by The Georgetown Theatre Company and Women in Film and Video features free music, theatre and storytelling performances, poetry readings, visual arts and film screenings at six different locations throughout the District. More information about DC SWAN Day is available here.
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Thursday, April 5, 5 pm
Performance/Workshop for the spoken word & poetry class at UMD
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I do want to thank the Christine Chen for inviting me (and Sulu DC) to perform at the OCA-NoVA’s Annual Lunar Year Banquet tonight. It was an awesome event and the crowd was truly wonderful. Many thanks to all of the people who bought my book for your support and kind words. It means the world to know that my pieces resonated with you all. (I should have brought more than 5! That’ll teach me.)
See you at Bloombars and maybe Colorado!
Sulu DC is back in rotation this month with a tight lineup of artists and films. I’ll be co-hosting the show with Eddie Lee of Jubilee Project (the return of our host tandem!). I also have a short feature and will be sharing new pieces (oh snap. new shit.) Details below.
Sulu DC + The Jubilee Project Show
DC premiere of “Dear Daniel”
7:00 pm. Doors open at 6:30
Ballroom, Artisphere (1101 Wilson Blvd, Arlington, VA 22209)
$15 general admission / $12 students
Buy tickets at: http://tickets.artisphere.com
Featuring local electronica brother duo, Atoms Apart, and a special guest artist (hint: he’s from Philly).
Follow me @jennylares, @suludc, and @jubileeproject for updates and live tweets at the event.
Goodbye 2010. Hello new decade. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve got on some polka dots. Am about to put some coins in the pocket for wealth in the new year. Mom is cooking palutang, a rice flour based dessert traditionally cooked on NYE. The idea is that if the balls of flour float to the surface of the pot of water, then life will be “light” or easy for the year. I think I’ve got all my Filipino NYE superstitions covered.
So let’s literally say goodbye to 2010 even though we’ll continue to struggle and celebrate all that it brought. Bring on this new decade–one I hope to be filled with adventure, opportunity, love, and balance.
The above was my blog post last New Year’s Eve. How greatly optimistic I was! I wonder how many of those flour balls rose to the surface because 2011 felt anything but light. But let me practice some realistic optimism now.
2011, like most other years brought its own opportunities and struggles. I formed new, unexpected friendships, yet lost quite a few. Many struggles were an opportunity for growth–a few I took, several I wasn’t courageous enough to confront. Sensing that I have, in many ways, been running from my own life all year, and coincidentally from the people who care deeply, here are my themes (not resolutions) for the new year:
show up, be bold, love and let go, jenny 2012
Bring it, 2012. I’ll meet you.
I was at the White House Holiday Reception today reppin Sulu DC. (What?!?! I know!!) I spent practically all day pinching myself to make sure it was real. That Sulu DC did in fact receive an invite because of our work for AAPI communities. And that I could potentially be 6 ft away from the President and First Lady AT the East Wing of the White House.
It was real alright. Complete with food, delicious desserts, sparkling water with a slice of lime, champagne, and eggnog. Oh and Xmas trees. Turn your head in any direction but down and there was bound to be a tree.
My friend and I wandered from room to room (including the red and green), failing at naming the presidential portraits, but successfully finding every DIY statue of Beau (the first dog). Our favorite was the one made of licorice and marshmallows.
Here’s a view from the inside.
And this picture I made while we waited for President and First Lady Obama to descend from the staircase and give a short speech. We really don’t know who the woman in blue is. (pic brought to you by the Skitch app)
What a weekend.
Friday night, I was back at my alma mater (University of Maryland) for the Sulu DC College Showcase for the FUEL Conference. On Saturday afternoon, I was on a panel with Amanda Lee and Eddie Lee of The Jubilee Project discussing the intersections of art and identity. Then Saturday night we celebrated the 2nd birthday of Sulu DC! It was such a great feeling spending the entire weekend being an artist and wearing my Sulu DC hat. That’s the goal, folks. To do art and run Sulu DC full-time (ok, so I do Sulu DC practically full-time right now but the goal is to be able to live off this labor of love).
On the panel, our moderator, Sulu DC’s very own Director of Communications, Megan Pagado, asked us the question: What keeps you motivated? I struggled to answer the question in front of students because I couldn’t remember. Not that I blanked out. It’s just that certain details and moments of your life cloud your mind and I couldn’t recall the last time I was truly motivated to write, perform, and lead Sulu DC. Then last night, as the Anniversary Show was about to wrap up, and I was responsible for closing out the show by presenting the Sulu DC House Award and Sulu DC Star Award, I remembered.
It’s seeing the beautiful faces of our audience. It’s their laughter, even their discomfort. It’s folks lingering after the show to chat, to build with one another. It’s the joy I see in the Sulu Star System’s faces when we’re together.
All afternoon I’ve been trying to recall how I felt the day after Sulu DC’s first anniversary in 2010. Aside from cleaning up frozen Coke from the kitchen wall and nearly severing my right index finger, I remember feeling full, blessed, exhausted and really glad it was over. My heart is full this year also, but it feels different. Probably because Sulu DC has changed so much this past year–it’s truly evolved into a star system–a cluster of stars who together create something even bigger and brighter than each individual star ever could. As cheesy as that may be, it is true.
Despite the days when the responsibilities of leading this organization really drain and drag me down, all of me–my head, heart, and spirit–are looking forward to 2012. I know for sure that we’ve got an incredible year ahead of us and we can’t wait to share it with the city.
15 women leaders in 15 days.
In honor of its 15th Anniversary, NAPAWF teamed up with Angry Asian Man and Hyphen Magazine to recognize the contributions of 15 APA women leaders who are redefining women leadership. I’m honored to have been nominated by Sulu DC’s own Director of Community Outreach, Peter DeCrescenzo, and to be profiled among such a fierce group of API women.
APA Women Leader Spotlight – Jenny C. Lares
A poet and passionate community leader, Jenny C. Lares’ life work is devoted to promoting social justice and truth. Everywhere is home for her, Jenny says, “as long as she is at home in her own skin.” As the Executive Director of Sulu DC, Jenny believes in molding the self for the self and creating an empowering space for APA artists to express themselves and to engage on array of issues. Drawn from experience and driven by vision, Jenny’s poetry presents compex narratives that challenge conventional perceptions and expressions about race and womanhood.
Read Jenny’s full profile on Angry Asian Man.
Donate to NAPAWF in honor of Jenny
Fifteen years ago, 156 fierce API women founded the National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum (NAPAWF) to be the organization dedicated to building the movement that advances social justice and human rights for API women and girls in the US.
Today we invite you to be a part of this movement by supporting Jenny, her nomination team Peter DeCrescenzo, as well as NAPAWF. Together we celebrate the past 15 years of achievement and fund the next 15 for API women and girls everywhere. Click here to donate on behalf of Jenny and Peter.
Spread the word
Help amplify the voice of APA women by spreading the word over email, facebook, and twitter! You can find us at using hashtag #15APAWomen via @NAPAWFSFBay and @NAPAWF on Twitter.
In an embrace, my head rested on your chest for what seemed to last a few minutes, but in reality only a few seconds. Our bodies met not with electricity or spine-tingling epiphanies, but in comfort, as if we had embraced in a previous life, in a previous memory. I had forgotten what difference a tender touch could do for the soul. Reawakening the body, screaming to the mind, “Hey, I’m here. Pay attention to me. I need fulfillment too.” Not necessarily romantic or sexual in any way, but just the feel of the existence of another person, of the existence of yourself, your relationship to another.
I wrote those words in 2008. I was compelled to dig them up again because of a conversation with a good friend. It is a strong human need to be physically connected to another being. I was reminded of that just now. Reminded that those connections have been few and far in the past several months. Reminded how one simple hug or touch is life.
Geese had been observed reacting to such a death by flying and calling, searching until they themselves became disoriented and lost. Human beings…showed similar patterns of response. They searched. They stopped eating. They forgot to breathe. They grew faint from lowered oxygen, they clogged their sinuses with unshed tears…They lost concentration.
- joan didion
poems like we rise
from moments
like these us
gathering the salt
into our palms
until we need them
no more
I haven’t felt like much of a poet or an artist lately. The last poem I wrote was in March. The last time I picked up a pen to write a poem was in April. But tonight at the APIA Summit Family Showcase, as I watched folks go up on the mic giving everything they got and receiving so much love, I realized how much I miss performing. It’s been a struggle to give time to my own artistry as I try to balance Sulu DC, the day job, and a personal life (when I get the chance). It’s always going to be a constant struggle, I know that. But for a minute there I thought I had lost it. Lost the drive and the hunger to write, to perform, to share stories, to speak.
For the past 24 hours all I’ve done at this Summit is talk and listen. To elders to get perspective on the history of the Summit and the process they went through to plan one. To mentors and friends who have seen me struggling with hard questions about art, work, and love. To emerging poets as I realize that their current reality is my past and my current reality is someone else’s past. Never have I been at a Summit at such a critical time as now. The first one I went to in 2005 introduced me to the space, but this one gives me meaning.
Props to all of the Twin Cities crew of organizers. Thanks to all who are here.
